31/365: Grim Reality

Posted: February 1, 2011 in Misc., People, Places, Politics
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Over at the dailypost blog, the question for yesterday’s post (I’m running a day behind) was:

If you had your own reality show, what would it be called? What would it be about? Who would the main characters be?

I use to be a regular watcher of MTV Roadies back in India but haven’t picked up any reality show here. Never got interested in any other shows back home either so not sure I am qualified to do this. However, since I accepted the challenge, I’ll try to throw a couple of ideas I have.

The first idea for a reality show that I have is around conflict resolution. Let’s call it ‘Survivor – in peace or in pieces’. It’d be about inserting specific people into the conflict situations that they have strong views about. For instance, certain BJP & VHP politicians would be made to live in and do night patrols around Sopore, Baramullah, Anantnag, Srinagar and Shopian. For company they can take along a selection of their senior party functionaries. In exchange, the soldiers they replace will be allowed to live in their bunglows, be driven around in their cars and, say, attend parliament on their behalf. This would be run, without breaks, for at least a summer. End of the summer, surviving members will exchange back their places.

Writing this, I’ve even got ideas for follow-up seasons. Select a handful of common youth who’ve been identified in the stone throwing actions in Kashmir and let them live their wish for a few months. Send half of them to live like common folk in, say, Karachi where they can choose to align themselves with the militia of their choice – Mojahir, Pashtun or Baluch. The other half will be sent to live in the sinful heart of a kafir India – Bombay.  Preferably living in a gujju hindu society with strict ban on consumption of meat. They get to live the life they have so come to hate and disdain. Like in the first season, the survivors, willing or not, will be then brought back at end of season.

For the third season, we go international. Ms. Palin, Mr. Beck and people selected on a call-in show hosted by him will be shipped off to a village in Marjah to defend US interests and protect the Afghan civilians. In their stead, a detachment of US soldiers will be allowed to enjoy the hospitality provided to Fox’s finest. In exchange, select leaders of Pakland’s ISI, TeT and LeT will visit the US on an exchange program. One of them will serve as an understudy to Rev. Terry Jones while suffering the mild temperatures in good old California. Another will be sent to work on a Christian outreach program in, say, Texas. And the remaining would be made to run guns and illegal aliens across the Arizona-Mexico border. Should be fun. Of course, end of season, survivors (willing or not) return back to their home locations.

For further seasons, we could transplant some CPM/CPI/Maoist leaders to a few mines in North Korea, send Mr. Ahmedinejad to live in a settler township in West Bank, some settler leaders could be relocated to Janjaweed infested villages in Darfur, ex-BP CEO would live and work in an oil spill, Chevron/Conoco/Exxon leadership may be made to work on oil fields in Iraq (without security cover), Japanese whaling-fleet workers be set out on little dinghies in southern Pacific (with bits of flesh tied at bottom) and Steve Bucknor could be made to live in a cricket-crazy slum in Bandra.

I had another idea for a reality show but this one is already into 3 seasons and going strong, so I guess I’ll stop here. :)



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